Happy Sunday, dads.
Andrew here. I think one of the hardest things about being a dad is watching your kid have a bad day and not immediately trying to make it better.
They come home upset. They had a bad practice. Someone hurt their feelings. They got a grade they’re disappointed in. They’re tired, frustrated, quiet, or just not themselves. And everything in you wants to fix it.
Give the advice. Solve the problem. Cheer them up. Tell them it’s not a big deal. Find the silver lining.
But sometimes there’s nothing to fix. Sometimes your kid just had a bad day. And I think we forget they’re allowed to.
Not every hard feeling needs to disappear by dinner. Not every disappointment needs a lesson attached to it. Not every rough moment needs Dad to turn it around.
Sometimes they need space to feel it. Sometimes they need you to sit beside them without trying to change the mood. Sometimes they need to learn that frustration, disappointment, anger, and sadness can show up, stay for a while, and eventually pass.
Because life isn’t going to protect them from hard days. Our job isn’t to make sure they never struggle. It’s to help them become the kind of person who can go through a hard day and know they’re still okay on the other side.
This week, don’t rush to rescue every bad feeling. Be there for it.
Let’s get into it.
And if you’re new here, welcome to The Dadder Dispatch. You picked a good weekend to show up.
Leadership at home isn’t always about directing, correcting, or having the answer. Sometimes it starts with paying attention to what’s happening underneath the surface. Who are you becoming? What matters to your kid when nobody is grading it, rewarding it, or cheering for it? These two challenges are about looking inward before you look for the next result.
Tonight, write one sentence that captures the kind of man you’re becoming this year. Not something polished. Not something that sounds good on paper. Something real. “I’m becoming a man who keeps his word.” “I’m becoming a dad who’s actually present.” One sentence. Written by you. About you. Then read it every morning this week. Because leadership gets a lot clearer when you know what you’re trying to build in yourself.
Today, ask your kid one thing they’ve been proud of themselves for lately. Not what they won. Not what grade they got. Not what somebody else praised them for. What made them feel good about themselves? Maybe they were brave. Maybe they helped someone. Maybe they stuck with something hard. Maybe it’s something you never would’ve thought to ask about. Then listen. Their answer might tell you more about what matters to them than any report card, trophy, or result ever could.
The DadderUp app drops a fresh Dad Flex daily, built for the kind of dad who doesn’t wait for the new year to level up. Download it and start tomorrow.
From our conversation with Christopher Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative and a social scientist who has spent more than 30 years helping fathers become more intentionally and holistically involved in their children’s lives.
Christopher talked about something that hit directly on what we’re working through this week.
Part of raising independent kids is allowing them to experience the world for themselves: To take some risks. To fall down. To figure out how to get back up.
And that can be hard for dads because helping usually feels like love.
We want to step in. Make it easier. Do the thing for them. Get them out of the frustration as quickly as possible. But Christopher talked about empowering kids instead.
Give them room to make choices. Let them develop their own interests. Help them build the skills to handle more on their own.
Because eventually, the goal isn’t for your kid to need Dad to remove every hard thing. It’s for them to know they can handle hard things.
So when your kid is struggling, frustrated, or having a bad day, you don’t always have to clear the obstacle.
Sometimes leadership looks like staying close enough to support them while giving them enough room to find their own way through.
“My son gets really hard on himself when something doesn’t go his way. I want to help, but I also don’t want to rescue him from every disappointment. What’s the balance?”
— Jason, dad of two, DadderUp community
I think the balance starts with remembering that helping your kid doesn’t always mean making the feeling go away.
When your kid is disappointed, frustrated, or beating himself up, every dad instinct says, “How do I make this better?”
And sometimes he does need your help. But sometimes he needs you to believe he can handle what he’s feeling.
You can sit with him. Ask what happened. Let him be frustrated. Remind him that one bad game, grade, or outcome doesn’t suddenly define him.
Then give him some room to figure out what comes next. That’s different from leaving him alone in it.
You’re still there. You’re still in his corner. You’re just not taking the experience away from him before he has a chance to learn something from it.
Because eventually, our kids are going to face disappointment when we’re not standing next to them.
Part of our job is helping them discover, while we still are, that a hard day doesn’t mean they can’t handle hard things.
One thing I’ve had to work on is what version of me my kids get when I walk through the door.
Because some days, work was stressful. Traffic was brutal. Something went sideways. Maybe I’m frustrated, tired, or still mentally carrying whatever happened earlier. And then my kids are right there.
“Dad, how was your day?” “Dad, guess what happened?” “Dad, can I tell you something?”
I’ve had plenty of days where I gave them the short version of me because I was still stuck in everything else. So I started doing something simple.
A few minutes before I get home, I shut everything off. No radio. No phone. No emails. I take a few breaths and give myself a minute to come down before I walk inside.
Because whatever happened during my day shouldn’t automatically become the energy my kids have to deal with.
And once I’m there, I try to ask better questions. Not just, “How was your day?” What happened? How did that make you feel? What happened with that thing you told me about yesterday?
Sometimes they’ve had a great day. Sometimes they haven’t. Either way, my job isn’t always to fix what they tell me.
Sometimes the deposit into that relationship is simply making sure they know Dad actually wants to hear it.
Because when your kid is having a hard day, one of the best things you can give them is a version of you that has enough room to listen.
What would make the biggest difference in how you handle your kid’s tough moments this week?
Christopher Brown, President of National Fatherhood Initiative, joins me to talk about intentional fatherhood, raising independent kids, and why empowering your children to work through challenges can matter just as much as protecting them from them.
I break down the simple ways I’ve worked on strengthening my relationship with my girls, including better communication, asking more open-ended questions, creating meaningful routines, and making sure they know Dad actually wants to hear what’s going on in their world.
We’ll keep showing up with the emails. All we ask? Send this to a dad who needs the reminder that his kid’s bad day is not always his problem to solve. Sometimes support looks like listening, staying steady, and letting them work through it.
