Happy Sunday, dads.
Andrew here. At some point, your kids are going to figure out something you probably already know:
Dad does not actually have everything figured out. Shocking, I know.
When they’re little, you can get away with being the guy who somehow knows where everything is, fixes whatever breaks, makes the rules, and appears to understand how the entire world works.
Then they get older. And suddenly they notice things.
They notice when you lose your patience. They notice when you give advice you’re not following yourself. They notice the bad decisions, the contradictions, the things you’re still trying to work on.
Eventually, they start seeing the person behind “Dad.”
And I think a lot of us feel pressure to protect that image. We want our kids to see someone strong. Someone dependable. Someone worth listening to.
So when we screw something up, there can be this instinct to explain it away, hide it, or pretend we knew exactly what we were doing all along.
But during my conversation with Dr. Paul Ruhlman this week, we talked about something I think every dad needs to hear:
The dads kids really connect with aren’t perfect. They’re authentic. They mean what they say. They try to live the standards they ask their kids to live. And when they get something wrong, they’re secure enough to own it.
So maybe the goal isn’t convincing them you never struggle, never screw up, or always have the answer.
Maybe it’s showing them what a good man does when he doesn’t.
Own it. Learn from it. Keep growing. And keep showing up as the same guy whether anybody is watching or not.
That’s what we’re talking about this week. The power of authentic parenting. Let’s get into it.
And if you’re new here, welcome to The Dadder Dispatch. You picked a good weekend to show up.
Authentic parenting is not just about being honest with your kids. It is also about making sure the way you live lines up with the things you say matter. So this week’s challenge is simple: bring a little more intention back into two routines that are easy to rush through.
Tomorrow morning, actually sit down for breakfast. Not standing at the counter. Not eating in the car. Not grabbing something while you are already halfway out the door. Sit at the table. Even if it is only for ten minutes. Breakfast does not have to become some elaborate family ritual. The point is simply to stop treating every morning like something you have to survive as quickly as possible. One small anchor. One moment where Dad is not rushing to the next thing. Sit down and be there.
Tonight, phones are off the table. Yours too. Put them in another room, a drawer, a basket. Wherever they need to go so nobody is reaching for a “quick check” halfway through dinner. Then fill that space with an actual conversation. Do not ask, “How was school?” Ask about somebody they spent time with. Something they made. Something funny that happened. Something they were thinking about today. And lead it yourself. Because if Dad says dinner matters, attention matters, and family time matters, the standard starts with him. Phone down. Look up. Ask something real. Then listen.
The DadderUp app drops a fresh Dad Flex daily, built for the kind of dad who doesn’t wait for the new year to level up. Download it and start tomorrow.
From my conversation with Dr. Paul Ruhlman, Superintendent of the Bedford Area School District, a longtime educator, father, and stepfather who has spent more than 30 years working with kids and families.
When I asked him what he has seen great dads do differently over the years, his answer really stuck with me: They are authentic.
Because eventually, your kids figure out that Dad is flawed.
When they’re little, you can look like you know everything.
Then they get older. They start noticing the contradictions. The bad calls. The stuff you said you would do and didn’t. The advice you give them that you are not always great at following yourself.
And Dr. Paul’s point was not that great dads somehow avoid that. It was almost the opposite.
The dads he has seen kids really connect with are authentic enough to own who they are. They are not trying to sell their kids some perfect version of themselves.
They care. They mean well. They are genuinely in their kid’s corner. And their actions back that up.
That last part matters. Because it is hard to tell your kid to be disciplined if they never see you practice discipline.
Hard to tell them to own their mistakes if you never own yours. Hard to ask them to live by a standard you are unwilling to live yourself. Your kids are going to see the real you eventually.
So maybe the goal is not to hide the flaws. Maybe it is to give them a real person worth trusting.
A dad who can say, “Yeah, I got that wrong.” A dad who keeps working on himself. A dad whose words and actions look like they belong to the same guy.
That is authentic parenting.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m trying so hard to be the ‘good dad’ that I’m not even acting like myself. How do you know when you’re overthinking it?”
— Tyler, dad of two, DadderUp community
I think you’re probably overthinking it the moment fatherhood starts feeling like a role you’re performing instead of a relationship you’re living.
A lot of us have an idea in our head of what a “good dad” is supposed to look like.
Always patient. Always knows what to say. Always calm. Always teaching something. Always getting it right.
And then real life shows up and, shockingly, you are still a human being.
You get tired. You get irritated. You say the wrong thing. You do not always have the answer.
I do not think your kids need you pretending otherwise.
That does not mean dumping every adult problem on them or using “this is just who I am” as an excuse not to grow.
It means letting them know the actual guy underneath Dad.
Laugh with them. Tell them when you do not know something. Own it when you screw up. Let them see you working on yourself instead of acting like you already finished the job.
Because the goal is not to convince your kids they have a perfect father. It is to give them a real one they can trust.
So keep working on being a better dad. Just make sure you are still being you while you do it.
When I became a dad, I definitely thought there would be some kind of switch.
Like your kid shows up and suddenly you just know what you’re doing. Yeah… no.
I remember bringing my first daughter home and basically thinking, Okay. Now what?
Then real fatherhood started. The diaper blowouts. The sleep deprivation. The days when fifteen minutes of sleep somehow felt like a full night.
Running late for school. Forgetting book fair money. Realizing dinner was not planned and grabbing fast food because everybody was already hanging on by a thread.
Losing patience. Raising my voice. Walking away from something thinking, Well, that could’ve gone better.
For a long time, I think I treated moments like that as evidence that I was not doing a good enough job.
But eventually I realized something: You are learning how to do this too.
Your kid is growing up. And at the exact same time, you are learning how to be their dad.
You are going to get things wrong. You are going to have days where you are not patient enough, prepared enough, or proud of how you handled something.
That does not mean you stop expecting more from yourself. It means you stop confusing a mistake with failure.
Ask what happened. Own your part. Figure out what you would do differently next time. Then take another rep.
Because authentic parenting is not pretending you have this whole thing figured out. It is being willing to admit when you do not, learn from it, and keep showing up anyway.
Your kids do not need a dad who never gets it wrong. They need one who keeps getting better.
Where do you catch yourself overthinking what a ‘good dad’ is supposed to look like?
Dr. Paul Ruhlman brings more than 30 years of experience working with kids and families to a conversation about what great dads actually do differently, why authenticity matters more than looking perfect, and why your kids eventually notice whether the life you live matches the standards you ask them to follow.
Nobody hands you the playbook when your kid arrives. In this one, I break down a few things I wish I understood sooner about mistakes, patience, instincts, and why becoming a good dad is something you learn through reps, not something you magically know how to do from day one.
We’ll keep showing up with the emails. All we ask? Send this to a dad who puts a lot of pressure on himself to get fatherhood right.
He does not need to have every answer. He does not need to hide every mistake. He does not need to convince his kids he has it all figured out.
He just needs to keep showing up, own it when he gets something wrong, and let his kids see that the man behind “Dad” is still learning too.
