Happy Sunday, dads.
Andrew here. I think dads put a lot of pressure on themselves to create the big moments.
The vacation. The birthday. The game. The perfect Saturday. The deep conversation your kid remembers twenty years from now.
And those things matter. But most of fatherhood doesn’t happen there.
It happens in the car. At the kitchen counter. Walking through a store. Sitting on the edge of their bed for five extra minutes. Saying yes when they ask you to come outside. Listening to the story you’ve already heard twice because they clearly still want to tell it.
The funny thing is, those moments usually don’t feel important while they’re happening.
There’s no countdown. No camera. No big lesson. Most of the time, it just feels like another ordinary part of the day.
But ordinary is where a lot of the relationship gets built.
I’ve learned that some of the things my girls remember most are things I never planned. The random car ride. The silly joke. The conversation that happened because nobody was looking at a screen. The five minutes that somehow turned into twenty.
We spend a lot of time trying to make fatherhood meaningful. Sometimes the better move is realizing how much meaning is already sitting inside the day you’re having.
This week isn’t about creating some huge fatherhood moment. It’s about not missing the small one that’s already happening.
Let’s get into it.
And if you’re new here, welcome to The Dadder Dispatch. You picked a good weekend to show up.
This week’s pillar is Leadership. And leadership at home usually doesn’t look like some big speech or perfectly timed life lesson. Most of the time, it’s what your kids see you do in the ordinary moments. How you handle something hard. How you treat people. Whether you follow through. And sometimes, it means stepping back long enough to let your kid take the lead too. This week, you’ll practice both.
Tonight, pick one specific behavior you want your kid to see from you this week. Not something you’re going to lecture them about. Something you’re going to show them. If you want them to be resilient, let them watch you handle something hard without quitting. If you want them to be kind, make kindness visible. If you want them to follow through, make sure they see you keep your word. Kids absorb far more from what we consistently do than what we occasionally tell them. Tonight, choose what you want them to watch. Then spend the week showing it.
Today, put your kid in charge of one thing. Let them choose dinner. Plan the family activity. Pick what you do this afternoon. Then actually follow their lead, even if their choice isn’t what you would’ve made. We spend a lot of fatherhood directing our kids. Go here. Do this. Try that. Today, give them a small opportunity to make the call and see what they do with it. Kids who get opportunities to lead learn what leadership feels like. Today, they lead one thing. You follow.
The DadderUp app drops a fresh Dad Flex daily, built for the kind of dad who doesn’t wait for the new year to level up. Download it and start tomorrow.
From our conversation with Dr. Diann Cameron Kelly, Associate Provost for Student Success and Professor of Social Work at Adelphi University.
Dr. Kelly and I got into why simply showing up matters so much.
She talked about the impact a dad can have just by being at the game, the parent-teacher night, the doctor’s appointment, or wherever his kid needs him. Those moments tell a child something bigger: Dad believes in me. Dad is here.
And it made me think about how easy it is to underestimate the ordinary stuff.
Sometimes it’s the soccer game you almost skipped. The car ride where something funny happens. The conversation that turns into an inside joke neither of you forgets.
You don’t know which moment is going to become the one your kid remembers.
That’s why I believe so much in doing something intentional with your kids every day. Not because every day needs to be incredible.
Because one of those ordinary moments might turn into something neither of you saw coming.
You don’t need to manufacture the memory. You just have to be there when it happens.
“Some weeks it feels like all we do is school, dinner, homework, and bedtime. How do I know if I’m actually doing enough with my kids?”
— Matt, dad of two, DadderUp community
I think a lot of dads confuse “doing enough” with doing something big.
A packed weekend. A trip. Tickets to something. A whole day built around the kids. But your relationship isn’t only being built on those days.
It’s being built during dinner. In the car on the way to practice. While you’re helping with homework. In the five minutes before bedtime when they suddenly decide they want to tell you everything.
The routine isn’t getting in the way of fatherhood. The routine is where most of fatherhood actually happens.
You don’t have to turn every Tuesday into an event. You just have to be there for the Tuesday you already have.
Ask the extra question. Stay for five more minutes. Put the phone down when they start talking.
The ordinary stuff counts. Probably more than we realize.
I think most dads would say they love their kids without hesitation. But something I’ve been thinking about is whether our kids actually feel that love in the little things we do.
For me, it shows up in some pretty ordinary ways.
Sometimes it’s bringing home a little something because I saw it and thought of one of my girls. Sometimes it’s writing a card. Sometimes it’s intentionally making time for a daddy-daughter date, whether that means hibachi, an escape room, or grabbing a cookie together.
And sometimes it’s doing something I genuinely would not choose for myself. Watching the YouTube video they love. Playing the Roblox game I barely understand. Sitting there and being part of their world because it matters to them.
None of that sounds like some huge fatherhood moment. That’s kind of the point.
Love gets built through the small deposits you make over and over again.
Your kids don’t always need the grand gesture.
Sometimes they just need something that says, “I was thinking about you. I wanted to be with you. What matters to you matters to me.”
Dr. Kelly and I talk about why a dad’s presence can carry so much weight, even in moments that seem completely ordinary. From showing up at games to the random car ride that becomes an inside joke, this conversation is a reminder that you rarely know which small moment will turn into something bigger.
Love doesn’t always need a grand gesture. I break down three simple ways I try to make sure my girls actually feel it, from thoughtful little surprises and one-on-one time to occasionally entering their world and doing the thing they love.
We’ll keep showing up with the emails. All we ask? If this week reminded you that the small moments count too, send it to a dad who might need that reminder.
