Happy Sunday, dads.
Andrew here. Some of the best lessons our kids ever learn from us happen when we are not trying to teach them anything.
They happen when life gets messy. When work is heavy. When something does not go your way. When you are tired, frustrated, or unsure what happens next.
That is when your kids get a front-row seat to who Dad really is.
And I think sometimes we hide too much of that.
We want to protect them, so we make the hard parts invisible. We show them the result, but not always the work. The win, but not the part where quitting would have been easier.
But maybe they need to see some of that too.
Not every adult problem. Not everything weighing on you. Just enough to understand that doing hard things does not mean you never struggle.
It means you keep moving while you are struggling.
Because one day, they are going to face something hard of their own. And when they do, they may not remember every speech you gave them about grit.
But they will remember what Dad looked like when life got hard.
So this week, let them see some of the work. Let them see you keep going. Let’s get into it.
And if you’re new here, welcome to The Dadder Dispatch. You picked a good weekend to show up.
Legacy is not only built through the big lessons or milestones. It is built through the little things your kids see, hear, and carry with them over time. This week’s challenge is about creating two small reminders of what matters, one for you and one for them.
Today, put a photo of your family somewhere you’ll see it daily: wallet, phone lock screen, car dashboard, desk. Not a perfect photo. A real one. When you see it, you remember what the work is for. Most dads have family photos buried in the phone gallery, never seen. Today, one gets brought into daily sight.
Today, create an inside joke with your kid. A phrase. A gesture. A shared reference from something you saw or did together. Inside jokes are the private language of a relationship. Kids remember the ones with adults for decades. Start one today. Use it again this week. Then next week. Then next month. That’s how it becomes yours.
The DadderUp app drops a fresh Dad Flex daily, built for the kind of dad who doesn’t wait for the new year to level up. Download it and start tomorrow.
From my conversation with Dr. Paul Ruhlman, Superintendent of the Bedford Area School District, a longtime educator, father, and stepfather who has spent more than 30 years working with kids and families.
At one point in his career, Dr. Paul was under serious pressure. A major project was facing opposition. He did not know exactly where things were going.
And he went home and told his daughter that.
Her response? “Dad. The kids trust you. You don’t have a choice.”
That hit me. Because she had been watching him.
Not just hearing him talk about grit. Watching him live it. Watching him deal with pressure. Watching him question what came next. Watching him keep showing up anyway.
That is the part our kids need to see sometimes.
Not a fake version of Dad who never struggles. Not a guy who makes everything look easy. A man who feels the weight and still does what needs to be done.
Dr. Paul talked about that in other parts of his life too.
When he was working on his doctorate, he would get up at 4:00 in the morning to do the work before his daughters were awake, then go back to it after they went to bed so he could still be present with them during the day.
They did not just see the degree. They saw the effort behind it. And maybe that is the bigger lesson.
If we want our kids to become people who can handle hard things, they probably need to see what handling hard things actually looks like.
Not perfect. Not painless. Just steady.
“I want my kids to learn grit, but I also don’t want them growing up thinking life always has to be a grind. How do you balance that?”
— Jason, dad of two, DadderUp community
This one hits home for me.
I am an entrepreneur. I work hard. I am ambitious. I like building things, chasing goals, and seeing what happens when you really commit to something.
And I absolutely want my girls to see that side of me.
I want them to know that worthwhile things usually take work. That you do not quit because something gets uncomfortable. That discipline matters.
But I also do not want them growing up believing their value is tied to how productive they are.
That every free hour needs to be optimized. That resting means you are lazy. That life only counts when you are accomplishing something.
Because that is not grit. That is just exhaustion with better branding.
So I think the balance is letting them see both.
Let them see you work hard toward something that matters. But also let them see you shut the laptop. Take the vacation. Laugh at something stupid. Sit around with them and accomplish absolutely nothing.
Show them that discipline helps you build a life. It is not supposed to become your entire life.
I want my girls to grow up knowing how to push when something matters, but also knowing when to put the work down and actually enjoy what all that effort was for.
That, to me, is the balance.
When I became a dad, I thought there was going to be some kind of switch.
Like the baby shows up and suddenly you know what you are doing.
Yeah, that did not happen.
There were diaper blowouts. There was no sleep. There were mornings where we were running late. Times I forgot things. Times dinner was basically, “Well, I guess we are getting fast food.” Times I lost my patience and walked away thinking, That was not my best moment.
And for a while, I think I looked at those moments like evidence that I was not doing a good enough job.
But fatherhood taught me something different. You learn through reps. You screw something up. You figure out why. You adjust. Then you try again.
And I actually think there is value in our kids seeing some of that.
Not because we want them watching Dad fail all day. Because we want them to understand that getting something wrong is not the end of the story.
The important part is what you do next. Own it. Learn from it. Keep going.
That is what hard things usually look like in real life. Not some perfect comeback story.
Until one day, the thing that used to knock you over does not have the same power anymore. That is what I want my girls to see.
Not a dad who always gets it right. A dad who keeps getting better.
What do you hope your kids remember about the way you handled hard seasons?
What are your kids actually learning from the way you handle pressure, work, leadership, and failure? My conversation with Dr. Paul Ruhlman gets into the example dads set without realizing it and why authenticity matters more than having all the right answers.
Fatherhood has a way of exposing every gap between the dad you thought you would be and the one you are still becoming. In this video, I break down the lessons I learned through the missed moments, rough days, and reps that slowly made me better.
We’ll keep showing up with the emails. All we ask? Send this to a dad who could use the reminder that effort, setbacks, and starting again are all part of the example too.
