Happy Sunday, dads.
Andrew here. I think most dads spend a lot of time thinking about what we want to leave our kids.
Values. Work ethic. Opportunities. Maybe a little money if we can pull that off. Hopefully fewer therapy bills than we inherited.
But I think there’s another part of legacy we do not talk about enough: Will my kids remember me as someone they could reach?
Not someone who was available every second. That is not realistic. We have work, responsibilities, bills, and people counting on us.
But there is a difference between being busy and being unavailable. And our kids feel that difference.
Right now, the “call” might be: “Dad, come see this.” “Dad, can you help me?” “Dad, guess what happened today.”
But eventually the calls get bigger. A relationship goes sideways. A job falls apart. They make a mistake. They are scared.
And when that day comes, I do not want my girls wondering whether Dad is too busy. I want the habit to already be there. Call Dad.
That may be one of the most important legacies we build as fathers. Not just giving our kids something to inherit.
Giving them someone they know they can come back to.
Let’s get into it.
And if you’re new here, welcome to The Dadder Dispatch. You picked a good weekend to show up.
Being available for your kids is not just about making time. It is also about having enough of yourself left when they need you. This week’s challenge is about building that capacity, physically and mentally.
Tonight, in bed by 10 pm. No phone in bed. No “one more episode.” Actual sleep. Most dads under-sleep by an hour or more every night. That deficit shows up in your patience, your body, your work. Tonight, you pay it back. One good sleep night resets more than most morning routines can. Bed by 10. Phone in another room.
Today, have a real conversation with your kid about effort. Not a lecture — a conversation. What effort actually looks like. Why some things are hard. Why you don’t quit on the hard things. What effort has cost you and given you. Kids grow up in a culture that hides effort behind results. Today, they hear what effort actually is.
The DadderUp app drops a fresh Dad Flex daily, built for the kind of dad who doesn’t wait for the new year to level up. Download it and start tomorrow.
From my conversation with David Ozmore, President and CEO of the Harrisburg Area YMCA, who has spent more than 33 years serving kids, families, and communities through the YMCA movement.
One thing David said about legacy really stuck with me. He wants his kids to know he is available.
Not available every second. Not sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. Available in the way that matters.
That if they are facing a hard decision, they can call. If something goes wrong, they can call. If they need perspective, they can call. If they just need Dad, they can call.
I like that because I think dads can sometimes define our legacy by what we build for our kids.
The house. The opportunities. The education. The financial stability. The experiences. And all of that matters.
But there is another kind of legacy being built at the same time.
Does your kid believe there is still room for them inside your life?
David has spent decades leading organizations, traveling, taking on responsibility, and working to provide for his family.
So this was not coming from somebody who had unlimited time. It was coming from somebody who had to decide what stayed important even when life got full.
And maybe that is the better question for us. Not, “Am I always available?” But:
Have I been available often enough that my kid knows they can reach me when it matters?
Because someday they are not going to need help tying a shoe, getting to practice, or fixing something around the house.
They are going to need wisdom. Patience. Perspective. Maybe a safety net. And by then, the pattern will already be there.
Dad is someone I can call. That is a pretty powerful legacy.
“Sometimes I don’t realize how distracted I’ve been until the day is basically over. How do you make yourself more available without feeling like you have to be ‘on’ all the time?”
— Lucky, dad of three, DadderUp community
I think the mistake is assuming availability means constant access. It does not.
You are allowed to work. You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to finish the thing in front of you. You do not have to spend every waking second proving that you are present.
But your kids do need to know there is still room for them in your life. That is the part that matters.
If you say, “Give me ten minutes,” come back in ten minutes. If they start telling you something and you realize you are half listening, stop and reset. If the whole day got away from you, do not write the day off.
Catch the next moment. Put the phone down. Sit on the edge of the bed. Ask the second question. Stay in the conversation a little longer than you normally would.
Because your kids are learning something every time they reach for you.
They are learning whether Dad is approachable. Whether Dad listens. Whether Dad makes room.
And those little moments eventually become a belief:
I can go to my dad.
That is what you are building. Not a childhood where Dad was available every second.
Because the real legacy of availability is not that your kids remember you were always there. It is that they never stop believing they can come back to you.
There was a point where my oldest daughter started calling me out for being on my phone too much. Not once. Over and over.
“Daddy, put your phone away.” “Daddy, you’re always on your phone.”
At first, I got defensive. Because in my head, I knew how much I loved her. I knew how hard I worked for my family. I knew I would do anything for my girls.
So part of me was thinking, How could she possibly feel like she isn’t important to me? But eventually I realized something uncomfortable.
She was not questioning whether I loved her. She was telling me what it felt like to try to reach me. And too often, something else had my attention first.
An email. A text. Work. Whatever was happening on the screen in front of me.
I was there physically. I just was not always available. That was a tough one to swallow.
Because the message in my heart was, You are one of the most important people in my world.
But the message my behavior was sometimes sending was, Hang on. This other thing comes first. So I had to change the little things.
Put the phone away during certain parts of the day. Actually look at them when they talk. Stop half-listening. Make room when they are trying to tell me something.
And I am still working on it. But I think that is the part we have to remember as dads. Our kids cannot read our intentions. They experience our availability.
And over time, those little moments teach them whether reaching for Dad feels worth it.
I want my girls to grow up knowing they never have to wonder about that.
I want “Call Dad” to be something they never outgrow.
What’s one thing that would help you be easier for your kids to reach you this week?
David Ozmore, President and CEO of the Harrisburg Area YMCA, joins me to talk about balancing ambition, providing for your family, and still being the kind of dad your kids know they can reach. After more than 33 years serving families through the YMCA, his perspective on presence, community, and legacy is worth hearing.
Being physically there is only the starting point. In this one, I break down three things that helped me become more available to my girls: putting the technology away, stepping into their world, and listening without immediately trying to fix everything.
We’ll keep showing up with the emails. All we ask?
Send this to a dad who’s doing everything for his family, but may need the reminder that being reachable is part of the legacy, too.
