Happy Sunday, dads.
Andrew here. For a lot of families, this is the last full week before school starts. Which means the transition is basically happening right now, whether you’re ready for it or not.
And I want to talk about something most back-to-school content completely ignores. Everyone talks about the logistics. The supplies. The schedules. The first day outfit. What nobody really talks about is the emotional side of the transition, and who’s supposed to be leading it.
That’s you. The dad.
How your kids walk into this new school year with confidence or with anxiety, excited or dreading it, has a lot to do with the tone you’re setting right now. Not the pep talks. The actual energy you’re bringing into the house this week. Kids are incredibly good at reading the room. If you’re stressed about the transition, they feel it. If you’re calm and steady and treating it like an adventure instead of a logistical nightmare, they feel that too.
This week is about leading the transition, not just surviving it. Being the dad who sets the emotional tone for a new season, not just the one who remembers to buy the right size backpack.
Let’s get into it.
This week’s pillar is Leadership. And I want to be clear about what that means in a household context. It’s not barking orders. It’s not being the loudest person in the room. It’s being the most prepared. And making sure your kid feels like they’re worth listening to.
For most families, this is the week school comes back. Which means the dad who leads his family through this transition well is the one who’s already thought about it before Monday arrives. This week’s two challenges are about exactly that. Getting ahead of the week before it gets ahead of you. And making your kid feel like someone whose opinion actually matters.
Tonight, look at the whole week ahead. Not just your meetings. The whole picture. Family stuff. Kid stuff. Work stuff. Personal stuff. Where are the pressure points? Where’s the margin? What’s the one thing that could go sideways that you can actually prevent tonight?
Ten minutes of Sunday preview beats five days of Monday-through-Friday reactive scramble. Leaders preview. Followers get surprised. With a new school week starting, this is the ten minutes that sets the tone for everything that follows.
Today, ask your kid their opinion about something real. Not too heavy, but adult. A work decision you’re weighing. A family plan you’re thinking through. Their take on something happening in the world. Then actually listen to what they say.
Kids feel valued when adults ask for their view and take it seriously. And here’s what else happens: they start thinking like people who have views. Who matter. Who are worth listening to. As they head into a new school year where they’ll be asked to form opinions, think critically, and figure out who they are, this is the kind of thing that sticks. Today you invite one opinion. That’s the whole flex.
The DadderUp app drops a fresh Dad Flex daily, built for the kind of dad who doesn’t wait for the new year to level up. Download it and start tomorrow.
From our conversation with Dr. Jeffrey Shears, Professor of Social Work at UNC Charlotte, co-chair of the Moynihan Institute for Fatherhood Research and Policy, and author of What All Dads Should Know.
Dr. Shears has spent over 27 years studying what fathers actually contribute to their children’s development. And he said something that reframes the whole back-to-school season for dads.
Most people, if you ask them what unique contributions fathers make in the lives of children, can’t name anything beyond being a provider. Dr. Shears’ research crushes that. He explained that when dads engage in rough-and-tumble play with their toddlers, the physical, playful, get-on-the-floor stuff that dads do naturally, it directly increases a child’s self-regulation. Their ability to control their emotions, sit with frustration, and manage themselves under pressure. And self-regulation, he said, is highly correlated with school readiness.
Think about what that means in real life. The way you wrestle with your kid before dinner. The way you toss them around and make them laugh when you walk through the door. The way you play instead of just watching. That’s not just fun. That’s your kid learning how to regulate themselves. How to handle a hard moment in the classroom. How to keep going when something doesn’t come easy.
Dr. Shears said it plainly: the way you father matters. The way you interact with your child matters. As your kid walks into school this week, the leadership you’re building at home this week isn’t just about routines and schedules. It’s about what your kid is already carrying in with them. Some of that came from you. Your kid’s first day has your name on it.
“How do I show up as a calm, steady dad this week when I’m honestly just as overwhelmed as my kids?”
— Marcus, dad of three, DadderUp community
First thing I want to say is that the fact you’re asking this question means you already understand something a lot of dads miss. Your energy is contagious. What you bring into the house this week- the stress, the anxiety, the overwhelm- your kids are going to pick that up whether you say a word about it or not. Kids are incredibly good at reading the room. So the question of how to show up calm when you don’t feel calm is actually one of the most important questions a dad can ask heading into a big week like this.
Here’s the honest answer. You don’t have to feel calm to act calm. Those are two different things. Feelings are internal. Behavior is a choice. And the behavior your kids need from you this week- steadiness, predictability, the sense that Dad has this- doesn’t require you to have zero stress. It requires you to manage where that stress goes.
The practical move is to find your release valve before the week starts. Not during it. Tonight, do the thing that actually settles you. A walk. A workout. Sitting outside for twenty minutes without your phone. Whatever genuinely refills you. Because the version of you that shows up Monday morning is being built right now. A dad who is running on empty by Sunday night is going to struggle to be steady by Tuesday.
And then give yourself permission to be honest with your kids in an age-appropriate way. You don’t have to perform perfect calm. You can say, “I know this week feels like a lot. It feels like a lot to me too. And we’re going to figure it out together.” That’s not weakness. That’s modeling. That’s showing your kids what it looks like to acknowledge hard feelings and keep moving anyway.
You don’t have to have it all together. You just have to keep showing up.
Here’s something I don’t say enough. Being a present dad when you run a business is genuinely hard. Not impossible. But hard. The communication never stops. The emails, the texts, the WhatsApp messages, the Slack. There’s always something pulling at you. And if you’re not intentional about it, work just bleeds into everything.
I learned that lesson from my daughter Daniella in a way I didn’t see coming.
I was doing some content with my girls. My team was asking them questions on camera, the kind of cute stuff you do when your kids are around. But Daniella kept coming back to the same thing over and over. Daddy’s always on his phone. Put the phone away. Every question, every angle, same answer. I got frustrated. I was embarrassed. I told her it wasn’t funny anymore and we moved on.
When we wrapped, I went out to do my steps. Came back and she was waiting at the front door. Upset. I told her she had embarrassed me. And she looked at me and said, “Daddy, it’s true. You’re on your phone so much, and it makes me sad.” She started to cry. My eyes got a little leaky too. I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
Then she told me she hadn’t said anything before because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. My nine-year-old had been sitting on that because she was protecting me from it. I hadn’t given her an environment where she felt safe enough to just say it.
I’m not telling you to quit your career. I’m not telling you the hustle isn’t real. I get it. But as your kids go back to school this week, that story is worth sitting with. The balance isn’t about splitting your time perfectly. It’s about making sure the people in your house know they come first. Even when the phone is right there.
What’s your biggest challenge as a dad heading into the new school year?
Dr. Shears has spent over 27 years studying what dads actually do for their kids’ development. And the thing that hit me hardest from our conversation is that most people can’t name a single unique contribution fathers make beyond being a provider. Dr. Shears’ research crushes that myth completely. If you want to understand why what you do as a dad actually matters not just feel good about it, but actually know it this is the conversation to hear.
I made this one right after Daniella called me out on the phone thing. I’m an entrepreneur, I own a mortgage company, I’m building DadderUp. The communication never stops. But that conversation with her forced me to actually think through what balance looks like in real life, not in theory. Four things that actually work. Worth the watch, especially if you’re heading into a busy fall season.
We’ll keep showing up with the emails. All we ask? Know a dad heading into back-to-school week feeling overwhelmed? Share these insights with him.
